If you don’t have a Netflix subscription or 87 extra minutes to watch Sign thievesConor Stallions documentary, let me summarize it for you:
The obsessive fanboy devotes his life to Michigan football, worming his way into the program and working to help the Wolverines win in any way he can. Because he's smart and hardworking, he carves out a niche for himself. Because he's a sly mole, that niche includes going to extraordinary lengths to steal opposing teams' game signs — not that he admits to violating any NCAA rules in the process. He gets caught and his dream job is gone, but Michigan wins the national title and the Stallions join the gallery of thugs who help make college sports so oddly appealing.
Roll the credits.
go blue.
The documentary accomplishes little more than give us a sense of who Stallions is, and his first interview since his name was tarnished last October. It provides insight into the roots and depth of his being a Michigan fan. And it gives him a platform to present his highly questionable case of innocence in any activity that could lead to NCAA sanctions for him and his beloved Wolverines. (In a notice of allegations served Sunday, according to a postscript to the doc, the NCAA is seeking a three-year ban from Stallions coaching at that level.)
“I don't always break the rules,” Stallions said later in the documentary. “In fact, I would argue that I don't break the rules. I just walk a very fine line. I take advantage of the rules. I don't break the rules, I take advantage of them.”
The Stallions said they did not break any rules, although they were caught red-handed:
“Could it be that Connor was present at that game? Maybe,” his attorney, Brad Beckworth, said. “It would be up to Connor to talk about whether or not that happened.”
The Stallions didn't talk much about it. In the funniest part of the documentary, they showed a picture of Maeby Connor hiding on the sideline and said with a wry smile, “I don't think that guy looks like me.”
Later, the film shows a video clip of Stallions’ Zoom interview with NCAA investigators in April. When asked if he was at the Central Michigan-Michigan State game, Stallions said, “I don’t remember being at the game, no.”
This echoes former Wolverines coach Jim Harbaugh’s stance when He Caught red-handed violating NCAA rules by having breakfast with a recruit during the COVID-19 pandemic. Harbaugh eventually admitted that he must have been there when a receipt showed someone had ordered a burger for breakfast, as he is the only person known to have done so. But he still insisted he didn't remember being there.
Apparently, this is the response of an honest Michigan Man when he is caught for the kinds of violations that Michigan Man used to sneer at other schools. Just say you don't remember. You wonder if the water supply at Schembechler Hall has somehow become contaminated and is affecting the memory of the staff.
“I didn’t receive signs through personal scouting,” Stallions said.
“I don't recall ever instructing anybody to go watch a game,” he said.
“I have bought tickets to many games,” he said. “There are also some people who attended the games using the tickets I bought and recorded parts of the game. Sometimes I would get film from them.”
But, the Stallions said, they did not request the film and did not need it for their (permissible under NCAA rules) job of decoding other teams’ signals.
So the premise that the Stallions are asking the world for is this: he knew people who wanted to attend college football games; coincidentally, those games involved Michigan's future opponents, or potential opponents; for some reason, these football fans came to him to buy tickets, rather than doing so on their own; just for fun, some of those fans decided to record what was happening in the place they were standing to watch; and yes, some of them sent him the video, but he didn't ask for it.
I have heard better lies than this.
Yahoo Sports reported last November that a Michigan player identified by the NCAA as “Uncle T” was reportedly a financial backer of the Stallions.
“To be honest, I've never heard of Uncle T,” Stallions said in the film.
But have they heard of Tim Smith? Yahoo Sports said it's Uncle T's identity. Smith denies funding the Stallions.
Not much information was given about how the tickets were purchased or how much they cost.
Maybe they did, but we haven’t gotten a denial, explanation or even a response from the Stallions regarding the firing of Michigan linebackers coach Chris Partridge.
Partridge was fired on Nov. 17, in the heat of the Stallions scandal and during its undefeated season. ESPN reported at the time that Partridge did not comply with the NCAA investigation, citing a termination notice that said he “failed to follow the university's directive to not discuss the ongoing NCAA investigation with anyone associated with the Michigan football program or others and as a result it has been determined that you failed to satisfactorily perform your duties.”
In the documentary, Stallions cited Partridge as instrumental in getting her to Michigan to begin working for the program. The doc briefly showed a scene depicting Partridge's dismissal, but Stallions never spoke of it.
In addition, the documentary makes no mention of Stallions' former Michigan colleague Jake Kostner, whose status on the Central Michigan coaching staff has been the subject of speculation over the past month. Kostner, who was a student assistant during Stallions' time at Michigan in the 2010s, is (or perhaps was) the Chippewas' quarterbacks coach. He is still listed as a staff member on the school's athletic website.
Central Michigan released a statement Tuesday explaining the school's role in the documentary: “We are aware of the inferences made in the new Netflix documentary about former University of Michigan football staff member Connor Stallions' access to the CMU sideline during our opening game last September. For the past 10 months, CMU has fully cooperated with the NCAA's ongoing investigation, and we will continue to cooperate with the NCAA as it works to complete its investigation.”
The Chippewas open their season against Central Connecticut State on Thursday night. We'll see if Kostner is there. Or the Stallions. He certainly was in their opener last year.
Currently, Stallions is working as a volunteer assistant at Detroit Mumford High School, coaching the defense. The NCAA could significantly hurt his dreams of returning to college coaching, so he must get used to that level of football.
Even if his coaching career outlasts the NCAA's sanctions, it's impossible to see this Michigan man ever returning to the sideline at the Big House. That's the ironic price of an obsessive desire to help your favorite team win.