As parents, we feel a certain sense of pride when our teenagers stake their rights for greater autonomy.
After all, it is a natural and necessary evolution from childhood to adulthood, a sign that our 'baby is OK' and that we are doing a 'good enough' job as parents.
However, as our teenagers gain more independence from a vast digital realm in a world complicated by both known and unknown threats, many parents are making safety a priority in ways that compromise their children's privacy. Feeling compelled.
Why is privacy so important?
Adolescence, the transition from childhood to adulthood, is marked by independence and identity development. “Teenagers are looking to the future and exploring the possibilities of adulthood,” says Lekha Diya, a counseling psychologist and senior psychologist for Panda App, a free and low-cost mental health care provider in South Africa.
Some space is expected from parents and their families, when they first take charge of their own narratives and look outward to fit into society at large. Freedom to explore and experience different aspects of identity goes hand in hand with a need for greater privacy as they navigate their unique sense of freedom of thought and behavior.
Many parents instinctively recognize and understand this important psychosocial development stage and have no problem respecting their teen's need for privacy and clear boundaries. However, the challenge of keeping teens safe online presents a challenge for many parents, especially those who are actively fostering trusting relationships with their increasingly independent children.
Mom and tech innovator, Rachelle Best, founder of AI-based app FYI play it safe, says:
“As the parent of a 15-year-old daughter, scrolling through her online chats was unacceptable to me. This type of device checking is highly invasive, and destroys trust and happiness in the parent-child relationship. is
This was my inspiration for the development of a non-invasive monitoring tool that balances the need to protect my daughter while respecting her right to privacy.”
Trusting your child affects their development.
Allowing your child privacy is an act of both love and trust that promotes their healthy development. “Trusting your teen means you trust them to make good decisions, behave appropriately, and decide what information they need or want to share with you and others,” says Dia. Trust goes both ways.
Your child needs to trust that you respect their right to privacy and input into decisions about their lives. When you and your child have mutual trust, you will bond better. You will also be more likely to come to your child when they need help. Adolescent development can be positively influenced by trusting relationships with parents and caregivers because it encourages a growth mindset and builds confidence in their own abilities and sense of responsibility.”
One question parents may ask themselves is: How much privacy is appropriate? Diya proposed a 'need to know'. “You have a few things,” she explains. Need to knowSuch as where your child will be going on Saturday night, how they are getting there and back, and whether there will be alcohol or adult supervision. But there are other things that can be private between your child and their friends – for example, what they talked about at the party, or who they danced with.”
Practical ways to respect your child's privacy include:
● Knocking before entering their room
● Giving them space to talk with their friends
● Asking before looking at or taking things out of your school bag
“It can also help to discuss privacy with your child, set some ground rules and set some boundaries. These can be changed as your child grows. You may also want to talk about situations where you need to cross agreed boundaries, for example, when you're really worried that something isn't right with your child.
Child privacy does not include:
● Listening to their telephone conversations
● Looking at things in your room or drawers
● Reading their diary or checking their email account
● 'Friending' them or interacting with them on social media if they don't want you to.
● Calling to check on them every now and then
Balancing privacy and online security
Best suggests that having a high-quality conversation with your teen about online safety is the best starting point for keeping them safe. Conversations about online safety need to continue, as the digital landscape is ever-changing. Parents should keep up and be well-educated about the risks, trends, digital spaces available to their children and the content they can access. Lack of this knowledge will inevitably lead to anxiety and fear of the unknown and acting out in unhelpful ways that your teen may resist, which will eventually lead to a loss of goodwill in your relationship.
To keep your kids safe online, FYI play it safe recommends:
● Understanding the age restrictions on the applications your child uses can help guide the types of content he or she may be exposed to.
● Check the Ts and Cs of apps – Apps may seem innocent at first, but you also need to make sure you agree on what the apps are allowed to do with your child's data and photos.
● Enabling full privacy settings – This includes disabling location settings, ensuring that accounts are always set to “private” rather than public accounts and that strangers are able to send them direct messages. Don't be
● Setting defined screen time parameters for the family – This can be part of a digital contract between parents and their teens.
● Using parental controls and content filtering. This is a good way to filter content to make sure they don't come across anything that isn't age appropriate.
● Modeling good digital habits
● Constantly talking about online safety